22 December 2020

Visiting

When you visit someone else's blog it is a bit like entering their front room. That's what I think anyway.

You look around at the pictures on the wall, the colour of the carpet and the furniture. Perhaps it is not to your taste but you are in somebody else's house so you bite your tongue and show good manners, keeping some of your thoughts to yourself. It's only right.

You don't start criticising everything from the moment you walk in and you don't start taking over the conversation either. If you simply do not like being in that front room then you should get up, make your apologies and leave. You do not have to come back - ever. Equally, if the blog owner effectively asks you to leave then maybe it's best to just go without creating a scene. There are many other front rooms you can visit.

Remember that the owner of the blog may have been nurturing their place for years. Visitors will have come and gone. There will have been many stories and ups and downs. There's history. We should respect that.

The owner of the house will be different from you or me. Would we really want to live in a world where everyone is just the same? Just clones with the same outlook on the world. Accept they are different and delight in that.

It's easy to judge. To brood quietly in the corner of the parlour - not saying a thing - just taking mental notes, gathering evidence to confirm your prejudices. Anybody can do that. Much harder to host a gathering in your own front room, to put yourself out there and actually say what you think.

In visiting other bloggers' front rooms, I may have made some mistakes. However, I can say in all honesty that since I entered Blogworld sixteen years ago, I have sought to be a pleasant guest. I would like to think that my visits have been coloured with interest, compassion and good humour. I am not looking to score points or to "dig" at people. What's the point of that?

When you visit someone else's front room, smile and show polite respect. Perhaps after you have really got to know the host you can suggest changes to the wallpaper and ask searching questions about the pictures on the wall but that only comes with time and mutual trust.

Sadly, I know that there will be at least two people out there in this big wide blogging world who will now be ferociously searching for "evidence" that what I have said here is at odds with my past conduct.  To them I would say - why not just be nice? After all, it's nice to be nice. Look for positives, not negatives nor chinks in the other person's armour. That's not nice.

75 comments:

  1. Good comparison of a blog to house. I think we have to be honest with other bloggers. It works like this. sometimes I write a very crappy post. Sometimes you will not be interested in what I have to say. That's alright. Sometimes you will not get my humor. Bloggers have to be patient with my inconsistent posts. If not patient , they have other choices.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are always a friendly, encouraging visitor Red.

      Delete
  2. If the front room pictured is yours and Shirley’s, it is gorgeous. If it is not yours and Shirley’s, it is still gorgeous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We might be old-fashioned in some ways but not that old-fashioned.

      Delete
  3. Very apt. Very true. There is no need to mock or criticize. I admit to be opinionated, and if I have ever stepped on toes, I apologize. But I really try hard to offer them as counter opinions, not barbed criticisms of those I disagree with. Feel free to tell me if I over step, and to delete any comments you find in poor taste.

    PS However did you get a picture of my living room?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hired a detective with a drone Debby.

      Delete
    2. That explains the large mosquito I was chasing about with a swatter a few days back.

      Delete
  4. So true - glad you shared through your eyes/words.
    Joy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for calling by from beautiful British Columbia Joy.

      Delete
  5. You are so right - it really IS nice to be nice. We are, of course, all human and not always able (or willing) to be nice, but we can at least make an effort, especially if we are guests on someone else's blog (or in their front room).
    So far, I must say I have only very rarely met with less than friendly guests in my own front room. Some of my posts have understandably met with less interest, others with more. To many, my front room will be boring and not at all to their taste, but, as you say, there are many other front rooms they can visit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like Red at the top you have always been a friendly, supportive visitor Meike. How long has it been? I am pleased I met you through blogging. Though we have never met I think of you as a true friend and I have enjoyed very many visits to your blog.

      Delete
  6. I agree. What's the point of being nasty on a blog? Unfortunately there are some people who hide behind their computer and say nasty things which they wouldnt to somebody's face. Safe in the knowledge they wont be found. Hope it wasnt me who dropped crumbs and ground them into your lounge carpet. 🙁

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not that dear ADDY but you left your pink parasol.

      Delete
  7. To me the joy of blogging is meeting so many different people. It is the differences that make people interesting. I agree that there is no reason to be anything other than nice with the people you meet on your blog or on theirs. I've run into a few trolls but generally I try to avoid them. You make a good comparison of a blog to a person's front room. I wouldn't think of being rude when visiting a friend and that should apply to blogs as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you "got" the metaphor Bonnie.

      Delete
  8. It is fun to read witty and acerbic comments but not if it is going to hurt the author of the blog. Sometimes I write a comment and then delete rather than publish.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have often left what I hope are "witty and acerbic" comments on your blog Sue. If I ever stepped over the line I am sorry.

      Delete
  9. Not always but in the past ten years I don't think I have had any problem 'parlour guests'. I may at times disagree with what someone writes but mostly I would agree with them and appreciate what they write, or I would not bother with their blog.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love other people's blog. Also notice that there are people who nit pick, probably because they enjoy it and have nothing better to do. Politeness is of course needed, especially when we disagree. You have a witty, intelligent approach to life, and that is why you are loved by many! Christmas is an emotional time, so enjoy what it has to offer.
    So a Happy Christmas to you and your family and the little one who is yet to enter this wild and woolly world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Thelma. "Wild and Woolly"? Yes. We do have a lot of sheep on the nearby Derbyshire hills.

      Delete
  11. As informed by SS (Soupscon) you are a straight talking Yorkshire Man. Okay, let's do some straight talking.

    "Front room"? How quaint. Must be the teacher in you who puts the undesirables to the back of the class or throws them out of the room altogether.

    You speak of "nice". Let's leave aside that nice is as bland as bland can be. Nondescript. And dishonest. Without sparkle. Enter a spot of pursed lips. How nice. And do not be deceived that the "nice" won't chew the fat and spit you out once their carriage has arrived and they assess your "front room" in the NOT so "nice" privacy of their own company. Still, as long as YOU rest assured all is well.

    You speak of your guests being this being that. What of you as the host? You do not have the wherewithal of letting people be? Ok, make mine champagne, you'll stick to your sherry. I know where the door (to the BACKroom) is, will take the bottle with me. Here, there is a tenner or ten. Don't wish to leave you out of pocket.

    Your reasoning holds as much water as a sieve. On one hand you want "nice" (which is not the same as "polite"), on the other you have the insight that we are NOT all the "same". So how do you accommodate those who fall outside your "nice"? Good job Dorothy Parker, Oscar Wilde, Tennessee Williams and Christopher Hitchens never made it into your FRONT room. They'd probably all ganged up in the kitchen instead, admiring your fowl.

    One of those "two people" you are referring to I know. And you deleted her mercilessly. Obviously that's between her and you. And for the dense among your readers - no I am not referring to myself. To my knowledge YP and I had, for a considerable time, a "nice" exchange. Enter the delightful and fictitious SS (so apt) - now sadly vanished - to do your dirty work, YP. Strange don't you think that you call for "nice" and have SS see the undesirables off instead of you manning up and do so yourself? It was distasteful. It was the moment I lost respect for you. You could have let me know discretely that you'd rather I'd shut it. After all, I assume that, as part of commenting on someone's blog, you have my email address. Instead of which you played it out in public. By your reasoning you should have shown the ever NOT so "nice" SS the door.

    I can't speak for Hamel who I think has been handled shabbily. For a while I even thought it was you, YP, under one of your guises/aliases. Let's assume, for a moment, that Hamel was Hamel. You encouraged him. Till you employed the SS to rear its charming head. Maybe I am away with the fairies here, and yes, I too thought Hamel was too much, even by my expansive standards, but I always thought him an older man, sweet, endearing, to be indulged. Instead you used the SS to put the sock in.

    I have had many run ins with other bloggers. Some in good humour, some not so much, some downright dour and sour; ever so protective of their precious egos. However, I have to hand you the trophy, YP. First prize.

    That I let myself be swayed to comment on your blog once more, despite it all, please do notch up to one of my shortcomings: Namely, that I let others speak. Including myself.

    U

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ursula - We have front rooms and back rooms. In the south some people have their back kitchens in their front rooms. Hamel is Hamel. He may even be John Haggerty, freelance writer of Glasgow, on LinkedIn. I don't know about the rest.

      Delete
  12. So that's where I've gone wrong - I don't have a blog - or a front room!(Or lounge, in posh speak!)
    I do enjoy reading the few blogs I visit regularly (well, I wouldn't go there if I didn't) and there are those I visit occasionally too, though I don't always comment. It's interesting to learn other people's views on life - it really wouldn't do for us all to be the same. Nothing worse than walking into someone else's front room and finding they have the same curtains as you, after you'd decided they had no taste - oh the shame!
    Seriously, it doesn't cost much to be pleasant does it? But most of us have our own opinions, and some wish to air them more forcefully than others. That's fine, until things become hurtful or downright abusive, and sadly you can't stop them once they start. I've never really seen the point of the trolls who hound bloggers, but can only surmise that it fulfils some inner need that most of us, thankfully, don't have.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks CG. You have often commented with firm opinions but always intelligently and politely. It's not all about positive strokes. That would be dull.

      Delete
  13. Far more dust and clutter in my front room than on my blog. Crumbs, apple pips, tea stains, furry cat scabs, things you can't even imagine, and it probably smells, but no one criticises.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought Furry Cat Scabs were an indy band from Selby.

      Delete
  14. I visit quite a few blogs but only comment on one or two. I mostly just enjoy reading about other people's lives and thoughts. If I don't agree with any of their thoughts and opinions I would never comment on it. I cannot see any point in arguing. Just quietly agree to disagree.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Often it is best to keep one's own counsel... but not always.

      Delete
  15. Your front room is a delightful library of life, YP.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another tinned salmon sandwich Jean? I only buy John West you know.

      Delete
    2. A tinned John West salmon sandwich? I'll get my coat and be with you in nanoseconds! (But only if it's on white bread with real butter and a sprinkle of cress on the side.)

      Delete
    3. A tinned John West salmon sandwich - oh wow! I'll be round too, but with brown bread, a smidgen of Helmann's mayonnaise, and would you cut the crusts off please? And feed them to the birdies!

      Delete
    4. We will have a good chinwag. Sorry Jean we only use margarine but I promise to spread it on thickly.

      Delete
  16. I know blog etiquette .
    It is similar to etiquette anywhere
    Do not monopolise the conversation is the first rule.
    It’s just rude.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And Ursula , I speak for myself and no one else

      Delete
  17. YP .. I imagine this was a difficult blog post to write, knowing how much you value your readers and your blog. This is called empathy .. for those readers who construe it as just being 'nice'. I don't respect people who cause trouble or choose to bad-mouth other bloggers in a public forum. And I have never understood what is to be gained by being inflammatory and judgmental. I honestly think some problems arise from differences in cultural norms. BTW .. we really need to talk about that wallpaper. Happy Christmas to you, The Puddings and all your lovely readers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is so nice that you have reconnected Carol. And you are right - this was an especially awkward blogpost to write but I am pleased that it has struck a chord with the majority of visitors. How old is your son now? What is he doing?

      Delete
    2. It's good to see you popping up occasionally Carol and to know that you are still around.

      Delete
  18. I always enjoy your blogs, photos and humour YP.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And in turn I am glad that I met you Northsider. As you often say - Thanks!

      Delete
  19. I enjoy your blog, I don't always comment. I'm getting a bit lazy......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Christina. I have thought of a catchy title for your blog - the one you are going to launch in the new year - "Four Thousand Holes".

      Delete
    2. It's more like forty thousand holes now!

      Delete
  20. I like your analogy and find it apt. I've not always agreed with bloggers that I follow but I do try to at least be polite in my responses.
    The one time I was banned from a blog was for stating that, as a Canadian, raised on British chocolate, that I didn't consider Hershey's chocolate (US brand) to actually qualify as chocolate! This was after we were ASKED for our opinion! I just had to laugh and go on my way.

    Happy Christmas to you and your family. Stay safe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have had Hershey's. It's not a patch on Cadbury's...or my personal favourite - "Galaxy". I echo your Christmas greeting Margie.

      Delete
    2. OOHH GALAXY - Irish friends used to bring Galaxy bars on their yearly visit - the best!

      Delete
  21. I like your analogy. I enjoy reading your blog and joking with you and yes, your blog is yours.

    If I'm not enjoying a blog, I quit reading it. And nice is highly underrated.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup! If you don't like it then stay away. I just cannot understand why someone would keep monitoring a blog that they dislike.

      Delete
  22. As someone without a blog, I am always very cognizant that I am a guest and an unknown quantity to bloggers I visit. As such, it is imperative to me to tread gently...to share bit of myself in comments to give the blogger a glimpse of who I am. Not interested in critiquing those who generously share their views--whether I agree with them or not. If it becomes clear I am greatly at odds with those viewpoints, I simply stop visiting. As you say, one would no more walk into someone's living room and be rude, unkind or needlessly thoughtless. At least, I wouldn't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have always been a welcome guest Mary. I have appreciated those glimpses.

      Delete
  23. There seems one common denominator here and that is someone who has been asked to leave or is consistently deleted from at least six blogs to my knowledge .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't follow the wrong smell, John. The person having been deleted by YP, repeatedly, and who clearly rose his ire ain't the one you think it is. Oh, Sweetheart, your hatred knows no bounds and blinds you. Still, "she", a blogging friend of yours, may enlighten you as to her identity.

      Other than that, Season's good will greetings (may you find a bounty on both your doorstep and in your heart),
      U

      Delete
    2. I have no hatred for you Ursula .
      I never have , so don’t be so dramatic .
      I just have asked you not to comment on my blog
      But I am afraid the facts are the facts and you personally have alienated yourself to several blogs who now don’t want you back
      I suggest you re boot your blog and write on that
      When you are not telling people how they should act, feel and think , you write very well

      Delete
  24. Point well made here, Mr. P.
    Sometimes we come across people who feel the need to take up all of the light and the air in a room for whatever reason. The actual words they use generally mean not much- not even to them. Here in the south in the US we may sometimes observe the actions of such people, shake our heads and say, "She ain't right."
    I think those three words sum up a lot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have a saying here - Empty vessels make most noise. I guess that is on the same lines.

      Delete
  25. Some people seem to take pleasure in being argumentative, rude, condescending, and critical. I don't understand it. It goes far beyond a difference of opinion or a good debate, both of which can be handled respectfully. It's pretty clear to see that there are individuals who revel in picking fights and arguing. Blogging should be fun, not a headache. You shouldn't have to defend yourself against attacks from such people. I wonder what their relationships in "real life" are like?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I endorse your response entirely Jennifer. Thanks.

      Delete
    2. Jennifer- I have wondered that myself.

      Delete
    3. Good point, Jennifer.

      Delete
  26. Well said. I think it behooves us all to be positive (notwithstanding my recent dismissal of "Honey"!) and supportive as a rule. I think of blogging kind of like being in a writing group. I don't mind constructive criticism, but I don't appreciate people who are argumentative or seeking to create discord, especially if they're posting anonymously. Fortunately I haven't seen much of that on my own blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You must have an invisible force field around your blog Steve. Something like that. In spite of "Honey", I am delighted that you have endorsed this blogpost.

      Delete
  27. YP you and I have had our differences around this subject, I know, but I wanted to add one thing

    I think it’s important for the blog author to police the comments of followers and not to allow them a platform from which berate others

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am not a policeman and I have not allowed "followers" to have a platform from which to berate others. You do things your way and I will do things my way.

      Delete
    2. I applaud this post but not your reply to John, YP. I think you indeed have allowed followers to have that platform, and I am sorry to hear you deny it. It's why I have mostly been absent here. To further your analogy, I do not like to visit blogs where this is allowed to happen any more than I would like to visit in person at a home where an obnoxious guest continued to be invited and entertained. I prefer homes and blogs where the host helps guests feel comfortable. I wish things were different at your blog, but c'est la vie. Bloggers certainly can make their own rules. I do feel strongly about having a welcoming blog, though, which is why I will add this comment even though I know it will likely not be happily received.

      Delete
    3. I disagree too but will leave it there

      Delete
    4. It would be so much easier if Blogger had a facility for blocking certain contributors. The trouble is that if you confront them it just adds fuel to the fire as you yourself have repeatedly discovered John.

      However, I appreciate your remarks Jenny and I will continue to monitor the situation. Maybe I will have to spend a period of time approving comments before they are posted. This is something I have never done before.

      Delete
  28. The subject matter for this post is familiar.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I feel that I've missed some drama! In my early blogging days I had a reader in California who would often be intoxicated when commenting and I would be asleep at the time or sometimes I would stay up late at night watching the train wreck of her comments unfold.

    Those were the days.

    I have many times disagreed with bloggers and usually vigorously but I try to be respectful. I also have a sense of what a blogger will or won't tolerate, there are those who I treat with kid gloves and those I don't.

    Excellent metaphor!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for calling by again Kylie and for leaving your thoughts in your typically polite manner.

      Delete
  30. I'm a little late in reading the post and wouldn't usually comment once your next post has been written but as you are monitoring comments I know you will read this. We've known each other and, like old friends, we are at one on most subjects (mostly the big ones that matter). However on the odd occasion when we disagree we have a metaphorical finger wagging across the sitting room then shake hands as we part company until the next time. That's how life should be. Civilised. Oh that it could be so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Precisely Graham. Respectful but still able to disagree.

      Delete
  31. I was drawn back here on one of my occasional visits, having been intrigued by reference to this comment string on another blog. Comments fights can certainly make interesting reading. It is at times fascinating to observe how humans will interact when they don't actually meet. Anyway Greetings of the Season to you, Great Pudding of Yorkshireness that I will never meet:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Could be the subject of a scientific study Andrew. It is sad that after almost sixteen years of blogging I was forced to resort to comment moderation.

      Delete

Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.

Most Visits