I guess it is part of being human - to weigh things up, to make our own judgements. However, some people take this too far. They sit all high and mighty making judgements about others and what they say or do often without actually putting themselves out there. They seem to think that they have full licence to do this. In fact it is their "go to" position.
Take blogging for example. The comments one receives may be supportive, funny or just engaged but some respondents habitually put on their proverbial wigs to pass judgement. Making judgement calls is fine when you have "money in the bank"- a reservoir of goodwill accumulated over time but when every comment you have ever made is laced with judgmentalism then you become a pain in the arse. Perhaps you would be best to keep your judgements to yourself.
A few years ago, one of my commenters shocked me. Not only was she leaving judgemental comments every time she came here, she was also visiting other blogs to assess my comments from elsewhere - weighing them up and trying to identify contradictions or inconsistencies. Quite flabbergasting really.
Currently I still have "comment moderation" switched on. I don't really like it but at least it allows me to weed out comments by two currently active Judge Judies and one Judge Rinder. They have a long history of making niggling, undermining or plain nasty remarks and I just don't want that stuff in my life or on this blog which has become an extension of my life.
Whenever their names appear in the Yorkshire Pudding comments section pre-moderation, I simply delete what they have said without ever reading it. Click and it has gone. It feels kind of nice to do that. A bit like deleting spam.
How much further do I have to go to get banned, you autocrat?
ReplyDeleteYou are on the amber list.
DeleteYour blog is yours, first and foremost. And as a good host, you are interested in keeping the atmosphere nice for your readers and commenters, too. It is like hosting a party at your home - if a guest misbehaves in a way that makes others (and yourself) uncomfortable, that guest may be asked to leave.
ReplyDeleteSo far, I have had very few nasty or judgmental comments and therefore never seen the need to activate comment moderation, except for comments older than 14 days - and that is for the simple reason that otherwise I may not be aware of them, and can not respond or otherwise react.
As you say, being judgmental is, to an extent, part of human nature. We are all "guilty as charged" to varying degrees. But if our every interaction with others is dominated by it, we have definitely gone too far.
Thanks for your common sense and kind support Meike.
DeleteParanoia will send me back to check my past few comments. I apologise in advance.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry Andrew. You are definitely not on my hit list.
DeleteYears ago I decided I wanted to stand by my posts and ideally never delete one. I also didn't want to censor comments.
ReplyDeleteI have deleted just a couple of posts after deciding that I had made an error of judgement and apart from spam I only remember deleting one comment because I believed it had great power to hurt somebody.
I've had a good run and never attracted anyone problematic.
I admire your ability to delete without reading, I'd be unable to help myself
For fourteen and a half years I was like you in that respect Kylie but then the line was crossed and I had to act.
DeleteI would suggest that perhaps you should consider it quite flattering that they still feel you are important enough to continue with the comments. If you were a trivial, insignificant blogger they would surely just ignore you so perhaps just take it as a compliment.
ReplyDeleteThanks JayCee. There could be an element of this in the regular attempts to knock me down. I have even had one of them making disparaging remarks about my baby granddaughter.
DeleteI also put comment moderation on because of mean comments. I guess that's just people, some good and some just plain nasty.
ReplyDeleteBriony
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I know you never used to use comment moderation Briony. I was wondering why and now I know.
DeleteI wish I could easily do that in my life! Those people have some deep-seated neurosis they think will be healed by picking at someone else but it never fills the spot - just a band-aid over a gaping festering wound. I'm glad you just delete them - no need for anyone else to read them!
ReplyDeleteDeleting big-headed people in real life would be great but we might find ourselves clapped in irons!
DeleteI've never had to do that and hope I don't have to. My commenters, even when they disagree with me politically or in other ways, keep it nice. If not, I will most certainly follow your example. P.S. Who is Judge Rinder?
ReplyDeleteHe's the British TV equivalent of Judge Judy - but male.
DeleteAlong with the rest of social media blogging has changed. The Blogland that we inhabited 10 years ago is very different from the Blogland we inhabit now.
ReplyDeleteThose were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end...
DeleteI wonder if these Judge Judy's find it easier to be so contrary on men's blogs? I have had so few negative comments over the years. Makes me wonder if I'm too nice. But I do frequently attack everything from Christianity to Oprah so...
ReplyDeleteI think that some people are just vastly unhappy and deeply insecure and have the need to spread it around.
You might be on to something there Mary - a kind of reverse sexism.
DeleteI once had a reader that got a bit judgy for my taste and I simply stopped going back to their blog and eventually they drifted off. I try not to judge others for their beliefs though I do occasionally offer a counterpoint in hopes that we all learn something about each other. The reason I try not to judge people is because I have in the past and many times I have ended up judging wrongly.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you have given this topic a lot of thought in the past Ed.
DeleteIt feel similar to being stalked YP!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you know what you are talking about CG. I have heard that there are many stalkers in Spain. But yes, it did feel like that.
DeleteNo, thank goodness, I have never been stalked, or even felt that I have. I meant to say that it must feel like being stalked! I didn't know there were many stalkers in Spain - so thanks for the warning!
DeleteIt didn't take too long after I started blogging before I added comment moderation. That in itself seems to deter the worst of the trolls and spam, thankfully,then one click and they are gone!
ReplyDeleteIt is like magic. "Poof!" and they are gone.
DeleteSome folks have too much time, too little courtesy and a surfeit of bile.
ReplyDeleteThat pithy remark belongs in a book of quotations.
DeleteWhat is that old saying? If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
ReplyDeleteI blog to sort things out in my head. A lot of people blog as kind of a diary. Others blog for money. I tend to view bloggers as penpals. We keep in touch. I like the people or I wouldn't be reading their blog. I enjoy what they write and if I don't like it, I keep it to myself mostly. If people want to know what I think, they will ask for my opinion, otherwise, I just want to keep in touch with others I consider friends.
I think that is a healthy way of looking at blogging Lily - just getting along, not scoring points.
DeleteI have never understood why people so delight in arguing. There is a huge difference in offering a different point of view is vastly different from telling people they are wrong. I have never had to deal with that on my blog. I am sorry that you have. She is really unkind. I hope that I have never crossed that line on anyone's blog, but I probably have.
ReplyDeleteYou and I have clashed swords before Debby but in general we have been blogging mates - not persistently judging each other but just rolling along pleasantly.
DeleteI see nothing wrong with using comment moderation. You have a perfect right to keep the nastiness away. While I never really had a problem with ugly comments at my own blog, I've been "attacked" in the comments section of others' blogs. Even though the universal nature of blogging can lead to misunderstandings due to cultural differences, it can be pretty clear when someone is just being downright mean. Blogging changed for me in the last year or so (nothing really to do with the pandemic), so I just turned off my comments.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this thoughtful, fair-minded reflection Kelly.
DeleteGlad to call you friend. Glad to be called one of yours. Doesn’t mean we’ll always agree. Let me know if I’m ever in danger of being placed on your “iffy” list. What do you mean, you don’t have an “iffy“ list?
ReplyDeleteYou have earned the right to occasionally be judgemental in this humble Yorkshire blog because you certainly have "money in the bank" Bob. I know that you are fair-minded with a healthy sense of balance.
DeleteIt's like with bullying. People feel they can say what the hell they want when hiding behind a computer screen. I doubt they would say it to your face.
ReplyDeleteJohn Gray has referred to these people as "trolls" and I understand entirely what he means.
DeleteThe comments I most appreciate being able to give and receive are the kind one would have in real life, with give and take, kind when needed, respectful even in differences of belief or opinion, with a sense of humour as much as humanly possible.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are still getting nasty comments, but glad you have comment moderation on and that you are able to delete the unwanted comments without agonizing over them. It makes for a pleasant visit for us, your blog friends. Thanks for soldiering on.
I was getting sick of sparring with the bigheads or just reading what they had written. Such a waste of energy and goodwill.
DeleteYou are absolutely right - there is huge difference between engaging (as in adding to the debate and maybe offering a constructive or tangential perspective) and those who sit in judgement or make pedantry their specialist subject. I guess sometimes we all get it slightly wrong - as both bloggers and commenters - but mostly we can sense the cowardly keyboard warriors who simply want to snipe, from a mile off.
ReplyDeleteFor the three I am referring to, there is only sniping or sly digs. Never any wholesome, pleasant remarks.
DeleteAs I read your post I was thinking that I've never had nasty commenter and then Yes , I did have one. He didn't have a block and had ignorant things to say . I finally got rid of him. I use comment moderation.
ReplyDeleteComment moderation seems to be a necessary evil - at least for me it is.
Delete