Just in case some of these neglectful parents stumble across this grumbly old blog, I have created a list of reasons why one should not be on a smartphone when escorting or pushing children round and about. There could be many extra reasons:-
- A wasp might land on your child's face and sting him/her. If you weren't on the phone you would be alert to the unwanted attack
- Your child might suddenly stiffen up and have his/her very first epileptic fit or nose bleed but you would miss the start of it being too engrossed in Lady Gaga's Twitter feeds.
- A cyclist on the road might lose control and come careering onto the footpath but you would react more slowly than necessary as you chuckle about an Instagram posting. Before you know it, the child is flying in the air with the cyclist's helmet. If only you hadn't been distracted.
- Your beloved son/daughter points to a passing fluffy feline and says quietly "C-at!". His/her very first word but you miss it because you're checking something out on Wikipedia - like the history of the doughnut (American: donut).
- You can't sing nursery rhymes or made up songs to your little child when your eyes are glued to your smartphone so bonding with your child is reduced.
- A beautiful butterfly lands on your child's arm. He/she is mesmerised by the sight - having never been so close to a butterfly before. But by the time you look up from your little screen, the butterfly has flown away.
What could be more wonderful, more magical, more special than your own living, breathing, developing child.? It is a time to treasure and a time when you have the privilege and responsibility of helping your child to grow. Whatever is on your smartphone is worthless compared with your child. So don't go on the smartphone until someone else has taken over the child-minding or your child is safe asleep in his/her cot or bed. Learn to cherish and not to ignore. Though smartphone makers have designed them to be addictive, you need to be bigger than that and pull away.
Being distracted by a technological device when in charge of a child should count as a crime in my humble estimation.
Can't possibly agree more.
ReplyDeleteI remember walking in the woods with the family, including my son-in-law (who is actually a wonderful parent, coaching the boys' teams, etc). It was a beautiful day, his youngest (5 at the time) was with him and nature was all around us. But Dad was oblivious, wrapped up in whatever was on his phone. I was amazed he didn't trip on a tree root.
It's tempting to knock the phone user but I prefer to knock the phone manufacturers and the systems, software etc. that are designed to distract users from the attractions of real life.
DeleteI am not arguing with you about the fact that most of us (not you!) are way too involved with our phones. This is a fact. However, I will say that I usually took a book or a magazine to the park or the yard when my young children were playing. Have you ever been the 24-hour a day, seven day a week caregiver for a child or for children? Trust me when I tell you that although yes, every moment is precious, it can become incredibly tedious and there is nothing at all wrong with keeping one eye on a child (or children) and another on reading material in a safe and known environment. A good alternative, available now, is to listen to music, a book, or a podcast on earphones while your child is playing. That way you can absolutely keep both eyes on your child and still feel connected to the grown-up world. I don't think it's healthy for a parent to always be one-on-one involved with their children. The kids need to learn to play on their own a little, use their own imaginations, make friends, perhaps, or play with children they already know. This is just my opinion, based on years of child care.
ReplyDeleteThroughout human history, parents interacted with their small children without the intrusion of smartphone technology. The widespread distraction has happened without consideration of the side-effects.
DeleteMary speaks true, when my children were small I read a LOT of books while keeping an eye and an ear out for anything wrong, but this was when they were old enough to be sitting playing and learning a bit on their own. Before that I just carted them from room to room with me and spoke to them as I did whatever cleaning/tidying was needed until they fell asleep. once they could crawl, they followed me by themselves and in between housework and cooking we "talked" and I read to them at bedtimes.
DeleteAs with everything else, one needs to strike a balance. Ms Moon makes good points but so do you. I remember seeing a mother of a toddler in the waiting room at a doctor's office. She was scrolling through her phone and was completely oblivious to her child for the entire time I waited to see the doctor (about a half an hour). I watched the child watch her mother. She tried to talk to her mother but soon gave up each time and just watched her; I suspect she had tried too many times in the past with the same result. Finally the receptionist got up and showed the little one where there were some toys. The mom was still completely unaware. I think in some (many?) cases nowadays, young parents don't even realize they need to interact with their kids to bond and to help their development. When they know better, they do better. But how do they learn?
ReplyDeleteA good illustration of my core point. Phone distraction has grown like an epidemic with no consideration of the potential harm caused.
DeletePreach! Everyone thinks they NEED the phone, but really they just WANT the phone because it gives them something to do, other than enjoy life passing them by.
ReplyDeleteMake a choice. Smartphone or child.
DeleteI boil when parents hand their toddler the phone/tablet too.
ReplyDeleteChildren need to become accustomed to new technologies but they should not be used purely for distraction - like babysitting devices.
DeleteI agree 100%
ReplyDeleteWithout human/parent attention and interaction we (they) will be raising zombies.
Small children need to know that they are loved and valued and much of that is done with eye contact and attention. If the mother/father/guardian is off on some cyber journey via the smartphone that child will know.
DeleteAnd you don't contribute anything to the social development of your child if they don't get the stimulus of watching your eyes watching them, making facial expressions, communicating, interacting ....
ReplyDeletePrecisely Tigger! Attention, love and care are provided in subtle ways.
DeleteHaving problems sending this comment so you may get it several times......
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more, YP. It annoys me too when I see it. It is almost like the child has no significance at all. [I had to laugh at your translation of doughnut for the American audience. I think they would work it out from the English spelling. :) ]
No, no, no ADDY! After all, many Americans support Trump! (English: Fart)
DeleteAs you know, I do not have children and never have looked after anyone's children for more than a few hours at a time (and there were no smartphones around yet back then). But I do understand the point Ms. Moon makes in her comment, and wholeheartedly agree with jenny_o's first sentence here.
ReplyDeleteWhen I am out walking (mostly on my own, without children present) I enjoy the walk, and my phone only comes out of my bag when I want to take a photo or need to check train times to get home from a walk further afield.
There is plenty of time to faff with my phone or ipad when I am at home, or waiting on my own for a train etc.
I am sure that most distracted parents are not doing important stuff as they walk along with their small children. It just the usual social media rigmarole.
DeleteAbsolutely agree YP.
ReplyDeleteSadly, the next generation of prams, buggies, strollers - call them what you will, are likely to come equipped with built in phones and whatever else is latest in the must-have, can't-live-without hi-tech. I'm surprised someone hasn't already designed one. In a baby shop some years ago, in Italy, there was a display of fancy buggies which were remote controlled - leaving both Mamma's hands free to concentrate on her phone!
Some parents would probably feel happier checking out online videos of their little children rather than dealing with them in the flesh.
DeleteBeing on one's smartphone is almost a disease. As someone who has to shepherd two kids to various activities and kill lots of time, I am often the only one reading a book in a room full of parents idly swiping at their smartphone.
ReplyDelete"Hey! Look at that guy over there! He's reading a goddamn book!"
Delete"Just keep away from him Junior. There are lots of weirdos around. Now let me get back to Instagram."
I see this too and it bothers me. Having your parent look at you, pay attention to you as a baby is vital to your mental health as you grow. Not to mention the wasps:)
ReplyDeleteSurely small children sense the neglect.
DeleteAnd the positive reason is that your child will be so much more intelligent, successful and willing to look after you in your old age if you built a strong relationship with them, and you'll find it so much more satisfying, rewarding and fun too.
ReplyDeleteNot sure if you are being tongue-in-cheek again but essentially I agree with you.
DeleteNot tongue in cheek at all, although looking again "supportive" in old age might have a better phrase. They will grow to be more intelligent if parents play with them - it's called an enriched social environment.
DeleteI think a lot of phone users are distracted - drivers, walkers, students, men, women, children, teens, etc.,etc... People will be out to dinner and they will be busy on their phones instead of having conversation while they enjoy their food. Some parents watch their children closely and some do not but I think it has always been that way.
ReplyDeleteAs a parent, "living in the moment" should be about your relationship with your child and not your smartphone.
DeleteI don't understand people who have such a terrible time putting down their phones. Especially when they're walking and NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO WHERE THEY'RE GOING! (Which usually means they're running into me or walking too slowly in front of me.)
ReplyDeleteI often have to dodge phone zombies.
DeleteI completely agree with you. The time goes by too fast and people don't interact with their child and the world around them. Some of my best memories are walking the neighborhood with my child in the stroller- talking about everything around us. We have this ad in America - "talk, read, sing- this changes everything."
ReplyDeleteThat's a good slogan. I notice it doesn't include "Be transfixed by your smartphone screen".
DeleteKudos, Neil!
ReplyDeleteSmiling, whispering, grimacing, singing, gurgling, forming lips into a kiss, talking, laughing, simply gazing silently into each other's eyes, occasionally reaching out a finger to be grabbed by the little one - so many beautiful, often even magical moments of joy and love that unfortunately many young parents deprive their baby and themselves of while staring at a screen.
You have put it so well Sean! Almost like a poem.
DeleteAs you know, I cared for Tom Grandson while his Mum worked and used to recite A A Milne poetry to him while he was in his pram, he was fluent in some of them at a very young age , not walking on the lines in the street being his favourite, probably because of the bears, lol. I agree, it irks me to see young Mums ignoring the child in the pram.
ReplyDeleteBriony
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I think it is largely the fault of the profit hungry phone businesses that deliberately made them addictive.
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