We were out last night - attending a blues venue - part of the Sheffield Tramlines annual music festival. Consequently, I did not get to check my National Lottery numbers until this morning.
You may recall that when I met God at Bleaklow Stones, I asked him to arrange it so that my lottery numbers would come up on Saturday night. With ecstatic happiness and a massive degree of incredulity, I am delighted to inform you that God did not let me down!
My numbers have come up! All six of them. I have been waiting since November 19th 1994 for this to happen. I checked and re-checked my pink lottery slip and there was no doubt, no doubt at all.
Ten minutes ago, I phoned National Lottery HQ on their hotline number and a representative at the other end of the line soon confirmed that I am the sole jackpot winner for July 21st 2018. How much? A cool £7.7 million or in American dollars - $10.1 million.
Thanks be to God!
Mrs Putin is out, weekend visiting Frances has gone to Tideswell and I am in the house all on my own. I haven't shared my big news with anybody else yet - just you lovely people out their in Blogworld. I know that you will all be filled with joy as news of my good fortune reaches you.
£7,700,000 is a lot of money but stupidly, as I sit here in my dressing gown, I have absolutely no idea how I am going to spend it. Perhaps I will buy a banana-coloured Maserati GranCabrio MC - a snip at only £114,000. And I am already planning to fly first class to Acapulco, Mexico - away from those annoying poor people who are herded onto aeroplanes like cattle. I shall drink champagne at 30,000 feet while chatting with other first class passengers - like Lewis Hamilton, Lady GaGa or Damien Hirst. It will be brilliant. So so brilliant.
But all this money is not going to change me. I shall make a generous donation to The Archer Project for the homeless in Sheffield - at least five hundred pounds and perhaps another five hundred to Oxfam. But I must warn any needy, greedy or destitute bloggers out there that I will not be responding to any "heartfelt" or desperate begging letters. If you want loads of money - like me - you will just have to work for it or buy your own damned lottery tickets.
It is going to be so difficult getting used to the reality that I am now a very wealthy man. Of course, I have never seen myself that way. I am just an ordinary guy who happened to bump into God on a moortop. I wonder what a £7.7 million pile of pound coins might look like? Praise the Lord! Praise Him!
I don't need your stinkin dirty lotto money anyway :)
ReplyDeleteEnvy is a base emotion Kylie.
DeleteNow then, young man. Are you telling us "the lies?"
ReplyDeleteAll my life, honesty has been the best policy my little Lancashire hotpot!
DeleteOn the back of your misfortune can you please lend me a fiver or five? No bull.
ReplyDeleteU
No way Jose! Sorry. The line is drawn. No handouts.
DeleteDon't kid yourself about speaking to Lewis Hamilton. He has his own private jet.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah - I forgot. Maybe I should get my own private jet. I shall call it Nighthawk in your honour.
DeleteBS?
ReplyDeletePlease add the second part of your postcode Margaret.
DeleteIt wasn't BS it was the sun that got Yorkshire Pudding.
ReplyDeleteDid you wear a hat when you went out?
Yes I did wear a hat Thelma! What, pray, are you trying to insinuate?
DeleteWow 😮 😮😮😮😮
ReplyDeleteNo matter how many of those emojis you splatter you ain't gettin' a dollar from me Nannybeth!
DeleteYour second last paragraph really spoils everything in this post. Until the second last paragraph I was looking forward to you sharing some of your good fortune with me. Spreading your wealth around would make it go further than just piling up coins to see how high the pile would be. So not even congratulations on your win. I assume you will continue blogging and get on with your life. The least you could do is tell God about me and put in a god word or two!
ReplyDeleteIn Red World it all seems to be "me! me! me!". There are other people on this planet Mr Piggy!
Deletewell, where does sharing and caring get me?
DeleteNowhere.
DeleteFunny!
DeleteI suggest that you plan a big party for your blogging friends. You could fly us over to England and treat us to a 3 day bacchanal (catered by Ian of course) with all expenses paid! What say you, Mr. Pudding?
ReplyDeleteI say take a long walk along a short pier!
DeleteHey now, I like this bacchanal idea! :)
DeleteLike Jennifer, I'd definitely attend your bloggers bacchanal - and I would even pay for three new dresses myself (one for each day).
ReplyDeleteGod must have been in a very good mood the day you met him!
God is not a big fan of vanity.
DeleteI am so disappointed, Mr. Pudding. If you had just met God a few days earlier, he could have told you that you were winning the lottery and then I would have held off selling the mountain until you and Shirley and your grandchildren to come could have bought it for your vacation retreat! Damn!
ReplyDeleteYup. If we had only known...
DeleteWhen’s the party? You will recognise me by the chilli pepper red dress with indigo blue shoes. I will have a plum purple straw hat with huge sunflowers on it. I'm arriving on a lavender lilac bicycle with a pistacchio green baskets attached to the handle bars. I'm leaving now. The fairy...oops...ferry may be delayed.
ReplyDeleteGreetings Maria x
Do you always dress in such a subtle and tasteful manner Maria?
DeleteI would say, dear sir, that you were already a wealthy man. You have a lovely wife, son and daughter and many friends. I would also warn you that money can take away more than it gives.
ReplyDeleteYou do also have a brilliant imagination and wonderful writing abilities. It is fun to dream.
Who needs friend and family you can have dollars? Lots of them. Lots and lots.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDo you happen to be a financial planner Anonymous?
DeleteWot Red said! ;)
ReplyDeleteTranslating Red's words from the Canadian, he said "Gimme lots of money!"
DeleteFor someone who seems to have "got religion" with such fervor, what about "it's more blessed to give than to receive"?? lol
ReplyDeleteAlso, couldn't you influence a couple of important world elections with some of that cash? not lol
It is possible that I am looking into hiring a hitman to exterminate the white-eyed orang utan.
DeleteI do so love English fiction.
ReplyDeleteIt is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
ReplyDeleteWith caution judge of probability. Things deemed unlikely, e'en impossible, experience oft hath proved to be true.
DeleteWhere was the blues venue?
ReplyDeleteIt's called CADS (Creative Arts Development Space)- a former industrial place down Neepsend. It is due to come to an end this year because of planned re-development.
DeleteYou on then weed again, Yorkie?
ReplyDeleteOh ye of little faith!
DeleteWord has just come. The lottery made a mistake. There will be no payout this week.
ReplyDeleteThat is a sick, sick joke Mr C!
DeleteGood job you didn't threaten to have an Imam shot. Blair Athol road would have been six deep with armed plod.
ReplyDeleteWhat's an Imam? Is it Nissan's latest 4x4?
DeleteAn Imam is a muzzie curate.
DeleteYay congratulations
ReplyDeleteThanks young lady.
DeleteHow awesome for you! I play 2 different lotteries here and never win anything much more than a free ticket. But...ya never know. :)
ReplyDeleteIt could be you Kathy!
DeleteYour blog is very nice,Thanks for sharing good blog.
ReplyDeleteออนไลน์
You are not welcome here Wicked Nath Daros as you are a child molester!
Delete